Hotty Matcher

How Women Can Learn to be Proactive Daters, Too

In the world of dating advice, sometimes things don’t seem quite as fair to women.  After all, men are supposed to be the proactive ones; for them, going out and trying to “meet new women” comes naturally.  For women, being more proactive is entirely different.  Many women simply want to be chased, desired, and appreciated.  How can you do that and be as proactive as a man?

The problem with waiting for the “white knight in shining armor” is that it takes all of the power out of your hands and puts it into some mysterious strange you haven’t met yet – or might never meet.  If you want to become a more proactive single woman, here are some ways to do it without spoiling the romance.

Listen to your own voice.

“You need to stop trying so hard.”  “When you relax, it will happen.”  “Men are supposed to make the first move anyway, so all you can do is wait.”

You’ve heard the voices.  Whether it’s the subtle prodding of society’s expectations or the more direct advice of family and friends, it’s easy to feel pressured to behave a certain way in order to find the man of your dreams.  But what if you’ve been following that advice and it’s, well, not working?

Often, the most prominent of this advice for women is that you need to play coy in order to entertain a man’s interest.  Coy can be fun, but it also can be a disaster if your problem is being too shy in the first place.

Instead, start listening to your own voice.  If you want to attend a single’s event, don’t avoid it simply because you’ll feel like it’s “beneath you.”  Approach that guy across the restaurant despite the risk of embarrassment.  It’s okay to be proactive, and if your friends can’t respect that, they have their own learning to do; let them be.

Be proactive, but don’t make the man’s moves for him.

Of course, a woman who’s too proactive will start to feel like she’s the man in the relationship.  If you met a man, gave him your phone number, and even asked him out, it can take a lot of the fun of the pursuit out of the relationship.  So how do you balance the need to be proactive in your dating life with the need to feel romanced?

Here are a few things to work on:

• Approachability.  What does your vibe say?  Do men who are attracted to you hide in the corner, afraid of being rejected because you put out a “go away” vibe?  In short, are you approachable?  You’ll increase your approachability by doing some simple things:  smile, be happy, and don’t be afraid to talk to strangers.  Also, be wary that hanging around with men can scare off some would-be approachers.
• Kissability.  Want to be kissed?  Be kissable.  When you’re out on a date with a man, bring that same “approachable” vibe and stay fun.  Let him know you’re on his side by giving him a subtle touch once in a while, and even take his arm when you’re both headed home.  Give him ample opportunity to make the move, and if he doesn’t, don’t feel bad about yourself – sometimes guys either lack the guts or the awareness to spot the opportunity.
• Patience.  Speaking of guys who can’t see the opportunity to make their move, you’ll have to be patient in many cases.  Sure, it can be exciting to hang around a jerk who has no qualms putting the moves on you, but you’ll also want to have a little patience if you really want to snag a nice guy.  If you really like him, even playfully give him some verbal cues, like this:  “So, are you going to kiss me or just keep looking at my lips?”

Most importantly, remember that life is full of self-fulfilling prophecies.  Keep believing in good men.  The more you see the good in men, the more you’ll stay open to them, and the more your vibe will remain open and attractive.

A  man who is in touch with his goals in life is attractive to women. But what exactly does that mean?

“Being on your path” means a lot of things, which is why it deserves its own article. It often helps to get away from the “outer behavior” involved with dating success and examine how you can work on your own self-improvement to attract women naturally. Want to learn? I thought you’d never ask. Here’s a portrait of the man on his path.

He has passion for what he does – even if he cleans toilets.

When you meet a new woman, you’ll inevitably run a the familiar question: “So, what do you do?” Here’s an important concept to learn: how you answer this is more important than what you answer with.

A man who has passion for what he does loves this question. His eyes light up because he gets to talk about his ambition, his goals, the personal empire he’s building. Even if he’s talking about how he’s working to become the head manager at a freaking Burger King, if there’s fire behind his eyes, there’s something thrilling about the way he lives his life.

Contrast to the answer of a man who is making compromises in his life. “Well, I work in IT right now. I re-write programming for this big client of ours.” Nothing against IT – heck, if you have passion, it can be great – but when your answer to “what do you do?” shows no ambition and no passion in your life, you’re not on your path.

Women want the passion, not the bucks.

He knows where he’s going.

A man on his path is a man that women meet in mid-story.

When you’re on your path, you know it. You know how hard you worked today. You know what results you’ve created for yourself. You know exactly what you’re working for. And when women talk to you, they can sense this.

What sounds more appealing: meeting the protagonist of a story in the middle of his adventures, or meeting one of the secondary characters without a last name? When you have passion in your life, you move yourself to “protagonist” and women can smell this.

Women want to hear the story that gives you passion. Talk about where you want to travel, what excites you, and why you’re on the path that you’re on. Don’t do it to brag, mind you; only talk about it when she’s truly interested.

He makes himself a priority.

If you’re the protagonist in your story, it goes without saying that you are the priority in your life. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be giving and compassionate – far from it. It just means that you have tremendous respect for your time and let the world know you expect to be treated in a certain way.

How do you let customer service people treat you? How do you let co-workers, employees, and employers treat you? Your personal boundaries need to be clear and you need to enforce them. You can make time for people, but you also need to make time for yourself.

He knows what he’s looking for in a woman.

It’s been called the “pre-screening vibe.” It’s the vibe a man gives off when he’s looking for a certain type of woman.

Women can tell when you’re a “predator”-type guy, scanning the faces in a bar or restaurant in the hope that you’ll find someone of value. This can be annoying.

If you know what you’re looking for in a woman, simply don’t go after women who aren’t your type, no questions asked. Women will respect this and feel good once they’ve earned your affection.

Let’s get practical. Here are a few tips for becoming a man who’s on his path.

• Set a goal – one that you’re really passionate about. Saying “I want $10,000 in the bank” isn’t enough. How will you achieve that $10,000 – will you be doing something you love?
• Work on your goal all the time, at least an hour a day. Even if you’re a working stiff, that doesn’t mean you can’t work to achieve your goal. Is your passion physical fitness? Work out at least an hour a day, or the amount of time you see fit that really challenges you.
• Challenge yourself. Passion without challenge isn’t exactly passion, is it? If you want to get in shape, really work yourself hard. If you want to build a business, work at it and go big. Work hard, and you’ll feel your passion intensify and your self-esteem grow.

First dates are perhaps one of the most difficult hurdles in a new relationship; they are actually more like interviews than social occasions. Unfortunately, they are one of the things that are often left up to a guy to plan which makes them doubly difficult. If you think you can just turn up for a date without any advance planning, you are sadly mistaken. One of the critical things that will determine whether your meeting is a success or a flop is how well prepared you are for it. If you want to give yourself the best possible chance to make a good impression, there are certain basic things that you absolutely must get right. Here are some helpful tips to ensure that your first date goes smoothly.

1. Choose a good location

The better your location, the less you will have to do to make everything go like clockwork. Try to pick a place where you are likely to feel comfortable and relaxed; a favourite restaurant or a picnic in a scenic park usually works well. For goodness sake, don’t have your date somewhere that your mates are likely to be hanging out in; this will inevitably result in disaster before you have even begun.

2. Decide what to wear in advance

If you don’t do this, you will most probably turn up looking as though you have just woken up or just finished a hard day at work. Your appearance is extremely important in the early stages of dating when a woman knows very little about you and it is a great compliment to your date if she feels as if you made an effort to look your best for her.

3. Do your homework on your date partner

The more you know about her, the less likely you are to make any embarrassing faux pas. At the very least, you should know what she works as, if she has been divorced or has any kids. If you are going to meet over a meal, taking the initiative to find out if she has any special dietary requirements is bound to earn you extra brownie points.

4. Brush up on your conversation skills

Try to avoid taking non-stop about yourself but similarly try not to bombard your date with endless prying questions about herself as this can feel a bit intimidating. The art of conversation is about striking a perfect balance and playing it by ear. If you are somewhat nervous, the tendency can be to talk her to death but it is actually better if you slow down and listen to her; ask questions at appropriate intervals to show her that your attention is on her.

Above all else, make a real effort to be yourself as you will find that this will, in turn, cause your date partner to feel more relaxed and open up to you more. Women notice small things and if you take the time to organize things efficiently, it will be greatly appreciated and your reward will hopefully lie in developing a meaningful new relationship.

Want to make the first date count? Here’s how

It’s an all-too familiar situation; you put on your best dress, style your hair just-so and even invest in that designer perfume which promised to make you smell and feel sexier. What’s more, you smile and laugh and make riveting conversation. Yet your first date never seems to progress beyond first base. Are you simply unlucky, or do you just not know something that everyone else does?

First things first, this may sound like a clich�, but you are not alone. Many women have dozens of dates which never make it to a second meeting. Often it is simply a case of understanding and accepting that not all girls and guys are made for each other. It doesn’t make you boring or unattractive, don’t take it personally, it just happens. However, there are a few simple things you can do increase your chances of being asked out on a second date and to make sure that you don’t scare your date off during the first meeting.

Don’t appear too eager

There is a fine line between going over the top and giving the right impression where your appearance is concerned. It should really go without saying that you should try to look your best on the first date but many women get this part sadly wrong by holding back in fear of giving out the wrong signals. True, you should avoid wearing clothes that are overly seductive or revealing but wearing something that helps you to make the best of yourself and feel comfortable will do wonders for your confidence as well as making your date feel as if he was worthy of your time.

Make an effort

A great number of women still feel that they should be seen and not heard on the first date. Wrong move. Men like women who can take part in engaging conversation so let your personality shine. If you are the shy type, psyche yourself up for this ahead of time, even if you don’t feel up to initiating conversation at least try to answer any questions that are thrown your way enthusiastically.

Leave past history where it belongs, in the past

A sure date-killer is to go into a detailed lengthy tirade about past relationships and boyfriends. Do yourself a favour; don’t! Try to view a first date with a man as a new start and a fresh opportunity. If there are things you need to get out in the open, most of them can wait until you are further into forming a relationship; for now, keep it light.

Listen

Most women are so anxious to appear interesting and fun that they forget to listen to their date. When you take the time to slow down and listen to somebody, it makes them feel special and important. A man is much more likelier to be attracted to a woman who makes him feel good about himself so your body language should be open and attentive with lots of eye contact and questions at appropriate stages.

Most importantly, remember to relax and enjoy yourself as this will automatically bring out the best in you. Tell yourself that you have absolutely nothing to lose, even if this date doesn’t go as planned, think of it as good practice for all those future dates.

Ten things you must get right if you want to be her Mr Right

Despite the drastic changes in society over the past half century, dating rules have remained relatively unchanged. There are still a few basic things that a guy is expected to do if he wants to get started on the right foot with a woman. The problem is, with such a shift in gender-roles in many other walks of life, it can sometimes be difficult for a guy to know what is expected of him in the early stages of a dating relationship. Here, we outline a few crucial things to remember if you want your date to go well.

1. Be an early bird

Being early gets you more than just the worm. Taking care to arrive at a destination before your date not only allows you to gain your composure and get comfortable but it also shows her that you are taking the meeting seriously and that you are reliable.

2. Dress to impress, not depress

Make as much effort as you can with your appearance, it won’t go unnoticed. Don’t turn up in your work clothes even if the date does take place immediately after work. Remember your Mother’s advice and always have clean hands and try to smell nice.

3. Have impeccable manners

Always open the door for your date and stand to greet her and pull out her chair if she is to be seated. If you are meeting over a meal, always let her order first and, if your food arrives before hers, wait for her to be served before you tuck in. You may feel cheesy doing this but chivalry is a highly rated quality amongst all women.

4. Never assume

If you meet at the cinema, always consult her before picking a show, don’t just assume that she will like to watch the latest chick-flick. In the same way, if you share a meal, never order for her or second-guess whether she would like coffee or dessert.

5. Give it your all

Although it sounds obvious, listening is just as important as speaking and your body language needs to confirm that you are interested in what your partner is saying. Make lots of eye contact, ask questions and smile.

6. Expect to pay

Although it may be ok to split the bill further into a relationship, when you are in the early stages of dating, most women would expect the man to foot the bill. Don’t make a show of it, just do it and if she protests, let her know that you are happy to do so.

7. See her home safely

Some women may feel threatened if you offer them a lift but do call her a cab and settle her into it. If you want to earn extra brownie points, you can even go the extra mile and pay for the cab in advance.

8. Take a rain check on that coffee invite

If she suggests that you come back to her place, regardless of how tempted you are it is almost always better to decline. Let her know you appreciate the invitation but never extend physical contact beyond a kiss on the cheek on the first date.

9. Be appreciative

Always thank your date for spending her time with you (even if you didn’t enjoy yourself). Remember, there are other things she could have been doing but she chose to see you instead. Elementary but often forgotten.

10. If you say you’ll call her, do it

You can get everything above just perfect but if you don’t follow up with a phone call when promised, you might as well have not bothered. If you don’t intend to pursue the relationship, be honest but don’t make false promises; you will only let yourself down and make things harder later on.

Finding happiness second time around

Divorce is one of the most stressful life events that you are ever likely to experience regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, and it can sometimes feel impossible to recover from your ordeal and take the enormous step of dating again. Often, self esteem is at a rock bottom level and you may find it difficult to trust again. There are many emotions that can resurface once you start meeting new people and there may be other factors to consider such as children from your previous relationship. Here’s how to make your entry back into the world of dating as easy as possible.

Make sure you are ready

There is nothing potentially messier and more unwise than jumping headfirst into dating while you are still on the rebound. It is not fair on you and it is certainly not fair on your dating partner. Rest assured, you will meet that special person but it is not likely to happen if you are still hung up over your past relationship. So slow down and take things at your own pace; you have nothing to prove to anyone and that includes yourself.

Repair your self esteem

Divorce leaves people feeling dreadful about themselves, especially if the relationship break-up was initiated by their partner. Cases where a husband or wife left their partner for somebody else are particularly difficult as it leaves a person with serious doubts about their self validity. As with any emotionally turbulent time, you are going to be forced to take a good, hard look at yourself and this bound to be painful.

If you feel more confident about yourself, your self esteem is likelier to bounce back quicker. So get yourself back into gear; have a makeover, join a gym or an evening class and get your body and mind back into shape.

Lay your cards on the table

When you do feel ready enough to go on that all important date. Make sure your dating partner is aware of your past but don’t go on about it endlessly. Remember, a date is an opportunity to enjoy yourself and not a counselling session. People tend to be attracted to other people who have an optimistic attitude and recover well from life’s knocks and bumps. There is no room for bitterness and self pity here.

Take heart, there is life after divorce. It is not going to be easy but just think of all the obstacles you have overcome so far. You deserve to be happy so take the plunge and get back into the dating game; who knows, you may be better at it than ever before.

Welcome to hottymatcher.com’s dating article section where you will find top dating advice and tips!