Hotty Matcher

If you’ve ever been on a blind date, then you know what it’s like to be matched up with someone you’ve never met.  It’s not easy.  Not only do you have the pressure of making a date work with a total stranger, but you have to tell your matchmaking friends how it went afterwards!  Needless to say, this isn’t always the most ideal situation for your true personality to emerge and chemistry to be ignited.  So how can it be done?  Follow these short and simple rules and you’ll be headed in the right direction.

No silence allowed.  Awkward pauses are okay at the end of the date, when you’re pondering over whether or not to kiss her, but if there are any awkward pauses in the first fifteen minutes or so, it can steer things in the wrong direction.  “Oh no,” you both think, “here we go again.”  It’s better to say something – anything – in those awkward pauses.  Ask her about her career, her family, her interests.  Just get the words out of your mouth!

Don’t get fancy.  Don’t be the guy showing up to her house with a handful of balloons.  Surprises can be fun, but you don’t know if the girl likes surprises until you’ve met her. Don’t get too fancy:  first, show her that you have some basic social sense by making direct eye contact, smiling at the appropriate times, and not overcompensating for anything because you’re too nervous.

What’s your hobby?  Tell me a hobby you have.  Go ahead, say it out loud.  If all you could muster was a “uh…uh…” then how do you think your small talk will go on a blind date?  If, however you instantly could say “windsurfing!  I love getting exercise while flying around on the water,” then you’re probably the kind of person who’s good with small talk.  If you don’t have a life, get one – quick.

Don’t be afraid to talk, talk, talk.  When you’re with someone you know very well, you don’t hold back and act nervous, do you?  No; you usually say the first thing that comes to mind.  Treat the blind date the same way;  if you treat the girl as someone you’ve known for a long time, she’s going to feel that and become more comfortable around you, as well.  You can’t expect her to take the lead, so make it happen yourself.  If she looks great, tell her she looks great.  If you think her job sounds exciting, tell her that.  Holding back will only hold you back.

Since the beginning of time, or at least since the concept of dating has been around, one of the fundamental rules in the Singleton’s Bible is “Thou shalt not date your best friend”.  Read any dating advice column and you will be warned about the perils of getting yourself embroiled in a relationship with your friend, neighbour or work colleague. However, if you are determined to take your relationship with your nearest and dearest to new heights, we offer some helpful advice to get you off to a good start.

Be prepared to lose what you’ve got

Whether you end up in the worst case scenario or the best case scenario, you will still lose what you had before you started dating. Even if your life as a couple is a huge success, the days where you could bitch endlessly to him about your boyfriend will inevitably be gone forever and you may even find it hard doing some of the other activities you used to share previously as friends. Accepting that this is going to happen will enable you to have more realistic expectations from your relationship and help you adjust to being her boyfriend a bit better.

Expect some awkwardness

Even if you are both very strongly attracted to each other, being a couple is likely to feel odd at the start especially when you are around your a set of mutual friends or work colleagues. Be a little bit sensitive as to how others may perceive you at this stage to avoid isolating people and making them feel as though they are intruding on a private members-only party.

Respect each other’s space

Even though you were previously friends, being a couple doesn’t necessarily mean having to now spend every waking moment together. If he wants to go off and do his own thing or see some friends without you, don’t be offended: you need to have a balanced relationship and doing things independently will give you both some breathing space and stop things between you from getting stale.

Don’t take things for granted

Even though you probably know almost everything there is to know about him, you still need to make the effort to find out even more; this time from a girlfriend’s objective. In the same way, don’t expect him to be able to read your mind or anticipate your needs like he perhaps used to when he was just a friend and had a completely different role in your life. Expect to have to learn new ways of communicating with each other and keeping the mystery and intrigue alive. Remember, you are on a whole new territory now as a couple so a whole new set of rules apply.

You’ve been on endless dates with a staggering number of women, you’ve been charming, witty and have made every effort to look your best and make every date special. Yet despite giving it your all you are still single. Is it just that you haven’t met that special woman or are you doing something to scare the girls away? To help you see where you might be going wrong, we list some of the top reasons that put a girl off a guy. Pay attention and you will discover how to attract women.

1. Not being yourself

Don’t be fooled, women are cleverer than you may think. One thing that definitely won’t get past a  girl is when a guy is acting out a role and adopting a personality that isn’t really his. You may think you an expert at this but the telltale cracks will show after a while. Even if you don’t think you are a very exciting person, a girl may feel very differently. Remember, true confidence only comes about if a person is at ease with themselves so you are really selling yourself short if you only show her what you think she wants to see of you.

2. Being too much of a Nice Guy

There is a difference between being courteous and pleasant or simply just killing her with kindness.  If you act like a doormat, she will treat you like one and walk all over you and out of the door. This is not a licence to act the Bad Boy role and treat her poorly but just a warning to avoid pandering to her every whim and being taken for granted. Make it clear to her that you respect yourself and she will automatically value you more.

3. Not paying attention

Every woman knows that guys don’t listen, right? Well its not just missing the verbal cues that get up a girl’s nose, its when a man fails to notice and react to visual and physical elements too, e.g. failing to comment on a new hairstyle or not registering that it is raining outside and she doesn’t have a ride home. Lack of attention towards her will make a woman feel as though you don’t value her, hence making her much less likely to want to make you a permanent fixture in her life.

4. Showing possessive or controlling behaviours

If you want to lose your girlfriend, trying to change her and take over her life is a guaranteed way of ensuring just that. Women are put off by such behaviour because it implies that the man doesn’t feel they are good enough and wants them to mould around a particular set of criteria that they have in their own minds. So try to accept her as she is and maybe she will show you the same courtesy.

By far, one of the biggest downsides to dating is that it is not cheap. The problem is perhaps worse if you are a guy as many women still expect a man to pay for everything, especially in the early stages of a relationship. In the recession-hit times of today, very few of us are blessed with endless wads of cash to spend on impressing our date, much as we would like to. Though being a tight-fisted miser may do wonders for your bank balance, unfortunately it will do absolutely nothing for your love life. Here are some ideas for budget-friendly dates that will impress your partner so much she won’t even stop to consider the cost.

1. Cook her a meal

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who can cook and many women will positively welcome the chance to be able to get a good look at where you live. Learn three simple recipes for a starter, main course and dessert and practice them on your friends before you set yourself loose on her. Dress the table with fresh flowers and crisp linen and get a good bottle of wine from a discount warehouse to add the extra wow-factor. If you live in an absolute hovel or have unruly flat-mates, you may need to be a bit more inventive so consider a picnic in a picturesque location.

2. Set up a treasure hunt for her

This is best done in a place that you know well, your home, your garden or possibly a local park. Place a trail of clues for her to follow; each clue leading her to the next location until she eventually ends up at the treasure which can be a small gift for her e.g. a scarf or a CD. If you do this in a public place, make sure you keep the clues well hidden, e.g. on the underside of a bench or beneath a rock and follow her as she goes so you can point her towards these hidden locations.

3. Rent a boat

Taking her for a lazy afternoon floating around on a lake in a cosy little boat is a romantic idea that will come in well under budget. Many parks with lakes hire out small boats for a few hours and taking a simple picnic along will complete the idyllic date. Make sure you pick the right season to do this in however, taking her out in gale-force winds and thunderstorms won’t earn you any brownie points.

4. Challenge her to a tennis match

Playing a sport together is a great way of getting to know each other. Furthermore, physical exercise releases feel-good hormones and makes people feel more relaxed. Most sports centres will offer activities at little or no charge and will also have a restaurant or canteen in which you can sit afterwards and enjoy a coffee or an inexpensive healthy lunch together.

Remember, a successful date is not dependent on how much money or effort you spend on it but more so on how much you can get your dating partner to relax and enjoy herself. So be imaginative and consider her hobbies and interests and you should get it right every time.

Trust is a crucial factor in relationships of any kind and the lack of trust between partners can often be the major deal breaker when deciding whether to move a relationship onto the next level. Without trust, a relationship can become a destructive institution in which insecurities are given a free run to develop. The trouble is, when trying to determine if a man is worthy of our trust, our good judgements can often be overshadowed by other factors: attraction, liking and in some cases even love. To make things easier we outline a few questions to ask yourself before you put your faith in Mr Perfect.

Is he honest in his dealings with other people?

If a man does not display trustworthiness when you see him interacting with others, the likelihood is that he won’t apply integrity to your relationship neither. So if he consistently lies to his friends, makes up fictional excuses and leaves people hanging then he probably isn’t the type of person you should be hanging out with.

Does he admit when he is wrong?

Somebody who always passes the buck and refuses to accept responsibility for their mistakes, however minor, is hardly likely to win the award for Honourable Man of the Year. A guy who gets overly defensive when you try to discuss something you are uncomfortable about is sure to raise your index of suspicion. Owning up to blunders is a sure sign of a strong, upright character and if your guy displays this desirable trait then he is definitely one to stick with.

Is he reliable?

What does reliable actually mean? Dating a boring guy who turns up bang on time and reminds you of your Dad? Hardly! Being reliable simply means doing what you say you will, at the time that you’ve said you will. Sounds easy enough but an astonishing number of people, guys and girls alike, find this incredibly hard. Occasional slip-ups are human, but a boyfriend who lets you down more often than not is probably not the best contender to put your trust in

Has he got an unfavourable past history?

Everyone deserves a second chance, maybe even a third one depending on circumstances. However, if your man has a strong history of being a serial cheater or liar, either in your relationship or his previous ones then the old proverb “a leopard never changes his spots” probably applies.

Unlike love which is generally unconditional, trust has to be earned but it is not easy to gain someone’s confidence if they are not willing to allow you to do so. Remember, putting your faith in someone is not a halfway process; either you do it fully and completely or not at all. So if you feel as though you are onto a winner, banish your fears and give him the opportunity to win you over.

First dates can be stressful enough without the added hassle of trying to look your best in order to dazzle your date. Many women admit to spending much more money than they can afford on their outfit but still feel dissatisfied with the final result. Yet appearances are so important in the crucial early stages of a relationship when your dating partner knows very little about you that it is well worth your while to spend a bit of extra effort on your outward image. Here we give you some inspiring ideas for how to make the best of yourself without spending the earth.

1. Appeal to his subconscious senses

The most powerful of the subconscious senses is that of smell and many studies have shown the huge part it plays, on a subliminal level, in determining if a man is attracted to a woman. This most definitely isn’t a license to turn up to a date reeking of a perfume factory, instead create a sense of intrigue by keeping your fragrance light. A good way to avoid going over the top is to spray a mist of perfume in front of yourself and walk through it.

2. Pay attention to your posture

Slumping takes inches off your height, adds years to your apparent age and is a sure-fire way of killing even the most sophisticated outfit. What is more, somebody who slouches is more likely to give off the signals of lacking confidence in themselves or, worse still, not being interested in their dating partner. Although you don’t want to look like you are bent backwards over a barrel, paying heed to Mother’s wise words and holding your head high and your shoulders well back will do wonders for your attractiveness.

3. Go for the wide-awake look

Subconsciously, a woman who looks fresh and revitalised is perceived by males as being more healthier and thus more attractive as a potential mate. It is easy to perk up your look by using a gentle exfoliating face wash just before you apply your makeup ready for your date. Lining the inner rims of your eyelids with a white eyeliner is a fantastic way opening them up and applying a pearly white eye-shadow just under your eyebrows completes the effect.

4. Get your circulation going

Going for a run or a brisk walk prior to your date is a great way of not only looking great but feeling good too. A good burst of exercise will be guaranteed to give you a healthy glow and have you looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. Working out also releases endorphins which are the body’s natural feel-good hormones so you are likelier to feel more attractive and rejuvenated. A word of warning however, don’t over-do it and leave yourself plenty of time to take a shower; going for the sweaty look won‘t do you any favours at all.

When it’s time to meet a girl’s parents, there’s good news and there’s bad news.  The good news is that you’ve found a girlfriend – and I assume you enjoy her company – who thinks enough of you to introduce you to the two most important people in her life.  The bad news is that, well, you’re nervous.

Fret no more, because this article is going to cover some basic tips and mindsets to keep in mind when you meet your girlfriend’s parents.

1.  Don’t cross the line from confidence into cockiness.  When people see someone who’s “too” confident, they assume that he’s compensating for deeper insecurities.  It’s the same when you meet the parents.  Think “poise,” not “posturing.”  Look them in the eye, give them firm handshakes, talk freely about your job and your passions, but don’t toot your own horn or try to out-do anyone.  Doing so crosses the line from confidence and heads into the realm of cockiness, which is a turn-off for any parent.

Remember one simple rule:  the way you behave is how those parents can expect you act around your boss and other authority figures.  If you’re poised, casual, and respectful, they’ll assume you hold the same poise in your professional and personal life.

2.  Show that you’re thoughtful.  How do you do this?  Here are a few hints:

• Bring a small gift, especially if you’re meeting for dinner or will be spending the weekend with them.  Don’t go overboard; just show that you have the social know-how to pick out an appropriate gift that demonstrates your consideration of them.
• Compliment their home and the meal; dish out other compliments only as they come to you.  Don’t over-do the compliments, but do show basic social courtesy and compliment them on the usual things.  Compliments are more genuine when they just “occurred” to you, so only add other compliments if this happens.
• Abide under their rules.  You’re a guest in their home, so live under their rules, especially if you’re spending the night or the weekend with them.

3.  Be sure to remain connected with your passion.  Even if your girlfriend’s father is a big-shot CEO, don’t feel the need to downplay your own passion.  Don’t tell them about how great your pay is unless they ask; instead, talk about your career and life path with the passion that suggests you take it very seriously.

There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness, and when you’re on a first date, you don’t want to cross that line.  Even if you’ve got a great job, a great car, and/or a great house, there’s no reason anyone needs to hear about it except through the natural course of conversation.  If you have the temptation to brag on your first date, you’ll want to think again.  Here’s how you do it.

First, adhere to one simple rule:  unless she asks about your career, bite your tongue.  If you have an exciting job that really seems to garner the interest of women, that’s fine – but it will come across as manipulative if you try to “force” that fact upon her.  Instead, wait for her to ask about your career.  Start off with something simple, like “I love my job.”  She’ll want to hear more – and you’re not bragging because you’re simply communication your passion about your job.  You could be a janitor and still say “I love my job.”

Second, remember that it’s not what you have, but how you have it.  You could be a poor street musician and still intrigue women with the kind of life you lead if you actually have passion for what you do.

Many guys with great jobs wonder why their financial success isn’t attracting more women.  It’s simple:  they’re not attracted to your success, they’re attracted to successful men.  There are a lot of ways to define “successful,” but the easiest way is simple:  if you love what you do, you’re successful.  A woman can spot the boredom behind your eyes when you talk about a job you don’t enjoy – even if it pays 250,000 dollars a year.

Third, don’t “follow her lead” if she gives you the opportunity to brag.  A woman might throw a few tests your way to see if you’ll start trying to win her affections with the stuff you have rather than what you are.  If you brag, you fail the test.  Why? 

Because if you brag to her about what you have, the implication is that it’s the stuff that’s so high-value, not you.

You need to be the great thing here.  So if a woman says “Oh, wow, is that your car?” all you need to say is “Yep!  Thanks, I love it.”  That’s it.   As if you’re not impressed by the car, but by how the car makes you feel.

Remember, you’re the one who has to make a woman’s experience worthwhile.  So have a little self-respect and keep the bragging to a minimum.  As the old saying goes, a rich man doesn’t have to tell you he’s rich.

“I don’t have enough time.”

Being honest, how frequently does that familiar excuse come up?  You might say to yourself:  sure, I’d like to be out there more, but my job is sixty hours a week and I simply don’t have the time.

As with many excuses, this is often simply a rationalization for not being proactive with your life.  Want more time on your hands so that you can have a more active social life?  Here’s how.

1.  Cut the junk out of your life.

Many times, time management is about realizing that you do have enough time to get things done – you just have to move some things out of the way.  If you put off going out on a Friday night because you just have to see that one TV show at that one particular time, maybe it’s time to cut TV out of your life.

The principle here is simple:  if something in your life is taking up a lot of your time and not producing a lot of great results for you, cut it out, or at least cut it down.  If you’re wasting two hours on Facebook every night instead of going out, it’s time to cut the junk out of your life.

2.  Do work in batches.

Don’t bring one form of work with you to another form of work.  In other words, chunk the different areas of your life together in order to become more efficient.  Leave the 8 hours a day at the office to the office, and run all of your errands at once.  You’ll find that doing things this way gives you way more free time that you previously filled up by being overly “busy.”

3.  When in doubt, automate.

Have you been working on your time management but still can’t seem to get around to your dating life?  Why not set up an online dating profile and a separate e-mail account to handle it?  You can be receiving e-mails from interested members of the opposite sex while doing your work at the office or while you’re at the gym.  As odd as it sounds, if you do one thing at a time, you can still do two things at once if you automate.

4.  Concentrate on the most important aspects of dating.

If you spend five hours a week on finding new clothes but just one hour actually interacting with new people, you’re not concentrating on the aspects of dating that will bring you the greatest returns.  Instead, ask yourself where most of your dating success has come from, and start focusing on that area more.

5.  Treat your dating life like a business.

If you’re busy at your job, that often means you’re a successful professional.  Why not bring that attitude and track record to your dating life?  You can start treating your dating life like a business by following a few rules:

• Put in regular hours.  Whether you want to or not, get out of the house every Friday and Saturday night and meet new people.
• Keep a contacts list.  Keep track of the people you meet!  You don’t want to forget someone’s name or forget the history you have together.
• Keep a schedule.  Have a schedule for yourself, just like you would at work.  Treat dates like meetings!  Feel free to schedule a “do-nothing” night every once in a while for a bit of rest.

The four-step plan that helps you feel it rather than fake it….

What attracts a guy to a girl? Attractiveness? Definitely. Personality? Certainly. But, more than these things, most guys are impressed by a confident woman. Confidence is the new sexiness, intelligence and beauty all rolled into one. The problem is however, that many women are not confident about themselves, especially when they like a man a lot. Even those women who are confident in other areas of their life can find that this confidence fails them at the most critical moment when they are around men.

So what can you do to help yourself be more confident around that Somebody Special? Well, the simple fact is this; to appear confident, you must actually feel confident within. Many women think that confidence is something that can be faked, but doing this will only get you so far; eventually all your insecurities will rise to the surface. True confidence will reflect itself in your body language, the way you respond to other people and even in the way you look.

Without confidence, even the most beautiful, intelligent and wittiest of women would be at a loss. Confidence is an ingredient that is crucial if a relationship is to develop and progress beyond the first few dates so it pays to invest a bit of time on building yours up. Easier said than done? Not at all. Follow our four-step plan and get on your way to boosting your confidence around men.

1. Face your fears

What is it that makes you feel unconfident when you are around a guy? Is it the fear of being rejected? The fear of not being good enough, attractive enough, funny enough? Identifying what you are afraid of is a massive leap in the quest for gaining confidence. If you know what causes you to be unconfident, it is easier to tackle this issue; as its said: “Better the devil you know!”

2. Realise that you are not alone

Even the most self-assured person feels unconfident in relationships at one time or another. Not only is it normal to feel insecure in certain situations, it is human. So be kind to yourself, allow yourself to have your insecurities but don‘t dwell on them; recognise them and then move on. The chances are, the guy you are dating will also have something they feel insecure about.

3. Accept failure

It is important to realise that not all men like every woman, confident or otherwise. Don’t take rejection personally and don’t let it dent your expanding confidence. If everybody got married and settled down with the first man they met, the world would be a really boring place.

4. Practise, practise, practice…

Despite not being able to feign confidence, you can learn it and nurture it. The best way to do this is to relax when you are in social situations; focus on the man you are with and really listen to what he is saying instead of worrying about how you may appear to him. Just be aware that other people do not know what you are feeling on the inside, only you do. If you act confident, it will help you feel confident too. Before too long, you will find you are having to act less and less and that confidence just comes to you as naturally as incontinence once did.