How Women Can Learn to be Proactive Daters, Too

In the world of dating advice, sometimes things don’t seem quite as fair to women.  After all, men are supposed to be the proactive ones; for them, going out and trying to “meet new women” comes naturally.  For women, being more proactive is entirely different.  Many women simply want to be chased, desired, and appreciated.  How can you do that and be as proactive as a man?

 

The problem with waiting for the “white knight in shining armor” is that it takes all of the power out of your hands and puts it into some mysterious strange you haven’t met yet – or might never meet.  If you want to become a more proactive single woman, here are some ways to do it without spoiling the romance.

 

Listen to your own voice.

 

“You need to stop trying so hard.”  “When you relax, it will happen.”  “Men are supposed to make the first move anyway, so all you can do is wait.”

 

You’ve heard the voices.  Whether it’s the subtle prodding of society’s expectations or the more direct advice of family and friends, it’s easy to feel pressured to behave a certain way in order to find the man of your dreams.  But what if you’ve been following that advice and it’s, well, not working?

 

Often, the most prominent of this advice for women is that you need to play coy in order to entertain a man’s interest.  Coy can be fun, but it also can be a disaster if your problem is being too shy in the first place.

 

Instead, start listening to your own voice.  If you want to attend a single’s event, don’t avoid it simply because you’ll feel like it’s “beneath you.”  Approach that guy across the restaurant despite the risk of embarrassment.  It’s okay to be proactive, and if your friends can’t respect that, they have their own learning to do; let them be.

 

Be proactive, but don’t make the man’s moves for him.

 

Of course, a woman who’s too proactive will start to feel like she’s the man in the relationship.  If you met a man, gave him your phone number, and even asked him out, it can take a lot of the fun of the pursuit out of the relationship.  So how do you balance the need to be proactive in your dating life with the need to feel romanced?

 

Here are a few things to work on:

 

  • Approachability.  What does your vibe say?  Do men who are attracted to you hide in the corner, afraid of being rejected because you put out a “go away” vibe?  In short, are you approachable?  You’ll increase your approachability by doing some simple things:  smile, be happy, and don’t be afraid to talk to strangers.  Also, be wary that hanging around with men can scare off some would-be approachers.
  • Kissability.  Want to be kissed?  Be kissable.  When you’re out on a date with a man, bring that same “approachable” vibe and stay fun.  Let him know you’re on his side by giving him a subtle touch once in a while, and even take his arm when you’re both headed home.  Give him ample opportunity to make the move, and if he doesn’t, don’t feel bad about yourself – sometimes guys either lack the guts or the awareness to spot the opportunity.
  • Patience.  Speaking of guys who can’t see the opportunity to make their move, you’ll have to be patient in many cases.  Sure, it can be exciting to hang around a jerk who has no qualms putting the moves on you, but you’ll also want to have a little patience if you really want to snag a nice guy.  If you really like him, even playfully give him some verbal cues, like this:  “So, are you going to kiss me or just keep looking at my lips?”

 

Most importantly, remember that life is full of self-fulfilling prophecies.  Keep believing in good men.  The more you see the good in men, the more you’ll stay open to them, and the more your vibe will remain open and attractive.