Every guy who seeks dating advice seems to have “that one special girl.”  That one girl who he really wants to date right now.  That one girl who seems so sweet and just right for him. 

 

That one girl that he hasn’t even dated yet.

 

If you’ve got one of those girls, dating advice isn’t going to help you.  Well, it won’t help you get that girl.  Why?  You’re already doing everything wrong.  You’re letting one woman who you hardly know become a larger-than-life figure in your mind.

 

I have a friend who asks me for dating advice, and it seems like he’s always got a new girl he’s interested in – and every time he’s interested in them, they become such sweet, caring girls.  Are they all sweet, caring, and just right for him?  Of course not!  But his constant pining for them convinces himself that they’re different women than they actually are.

When he’s no longer under his own spell, he sees that maybe they weren’t such great girls in the first place.

 

If you’ve got that one girl and it’s brought your love life to a standstill, it’s time to get over her.

 

You Won’t Get Her

 

“What?  What kind of dating advice is this?  Why can’t you be optimistic and tell me how to get this girl to go out with me?  Tell me it’s possible.”

 

Listen, I’m all for optimism and going for girls who you think are out of your league.  But you have to find the reality in between the two attitudes of total pessimism and total optimism.  Total pessimism says that you can’t get this girl, or any other girl for that matter.  Total optimism says you will get this girl and you’ll live happily ever after.

 

The reality is simple and in between those two extremes:  you’re probably not going to get this girl, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a great girl.

 

Why won’t you get her?  Because no woman likes being put on a pedestal, unless she’s out to manipulate you into her personal relationship slave.  They want a man who is in control of his live, and by default, that means he’s in control of his love life.  Does a guy with options pine over individual girls and wonder how he’s going to convince them to go out with him?  No!  He’s far too busy having a life. 

 

If you want to get this girl, you have to cultivate the same attitude. And “Hey!  This dating advice sucks; I want you to tell me exactly how to ask her out, what words to use!” is not the right attitude.

 

Where to Go From Here

 

Reading the advice above, you’re probably having one of two reactions.  Either you’re fed up with dating advice that talks about your attitude rather than the actual lines to say, or you’ve accepted what I’ve said and you’re ready to go from here.

 

If you’re still with me, that’s a good sign.

 

So where to go from here?  First, cut off all contact with the girl “of your dreams.”  Especially if you’ve been sending her e-mail after e-mail, trying to goad her into sending a response.  Cutting off contact suggests that you’ve found something better to do with your time – and you have.

 

Next, go out.  Indulge in a social hobby.  Take an improvisation or public speaking class.  Go speed dating.  Do anything that gets you out of the house and talking to other people.

 

After you’ve built up a little confidence, start finding new women to ask out.  When you do meet a girl that you’re interested in taking out, you might take a look back at “that one girl” and see her in a completely different light.  She might not seem so great anymore.  You’re seeing her without your self-induced spell that made her appear like such a princess to begin with.

 

Looking back on it, you’ll wonder how on earth you ever fell so hard in the first place.  And you’ll be ready to date someone else.  If you still want “that one girl,” it will take more than one dating article to help you!