Most of the blocks and obstacles we encounter in our dating life and relationships are related to our past experiences. Nothing is simpler than sex and love, but when our mind, fears and past get in the way, those two can get extremely complex. Fears, insecurities and emotions aren’t things you can put aside for the rest of your life. If you do, they will come up at the worst possible time, probably in the most important relationship, where you want to spend your entire life with that person and put everything on the table. You must understand their roots to deal with them. If you’re asking yourself “Why am I always getting upset about this, scaring my man or woman away?” dig in your past a bit to better understand what’s driving your behaviours.

Don’t be afraid of making simple links to the past

Just making the decision of getting over a certain past event or situation doesn’t mean that you will necessarily never be affected by it again. Your body reacts and avoids painful situations and your mind rationalizes it. Some of the most profound sources for understanding our present behaviours are our childhood and teenage years. The problem is that most people don’t want to look there, at all cost. Nobody seems to want to admit that they’re still affected by something that happened during their childhood or when they were a teenager. Why? The reason is that, as humans, we like to be in total and absolute control of ourselves and our lives. It is quite a shocker for any one of us to realize that we’ve had a behavior for years and years that dictated our entire life, resulting from a single childhood experience. It is a big shocker, but it is also the greatest treasure you can find in order to move forward.

Associate feelings with experiences you’ve already had

Starting on this journey in your past to find out what’s affecting you today may seem like an enormous maze at first, but there are proper techniques to it, and they don’t necessarily require a therapist assisting you. It all comes down to being honest with yourself. First, identify the feeling you’re experiencing when you encounter the situation you have the most trouble with when dealing with men or women. For example, you might experience fear when there’s a necessity to commit to something. Once you know it is indeed the feeling of fear and experience it in your body, try to find an experience in your childhood or when you were a teenager when you experienced fear, more specifically, the oldest ones (they are the purest and deepest experiences) and those that have the most to do with commitment. Realize that your current fear of commitment with men or women might be driven by something that happened with your dad or mother, who are the earliest and most marking male and female figures of your life. Did you feel fear in deceiving your mother or father over a specific event? If you feel like there are associations to be made, make them, accept them, work on them and you will gradually control elements of your character and remove obstacles in your dating preventing you from finding, and more specifically, STAYING with the mate of your dreams.