Hotty Matcher

We are going to explain tips to get you started in online dating or improve your results if you’ve already jumped in the popular wagon of internet dating. Without any more wait, here’s how to make your online dating experience feel as real as possible.

Call Out The Fact that You Two are Meeting Online in The First Place

Humans weren’t born to meet and mate around the Internet. Period. What this means is simply that you should never ignore the fact that meeting online isn’t a recreation or an equivalent of a real life meeting. It is simply a way to get to people more easily and eventually meet them in real life, having the feeling you know them already. Online dating makes meetings happen that maybe wouldn’t ever occur in the real world because of distance and circumstances. This tip can be applied in either an obvious or subtle way. First, you can call out directly to the guy or girl you’ve just met about how amazing it is that you guys just turned on your two computers located miles away and got to know each other. Yes, it is obvious, but it is fun and securing to hear that from the other person.  It will show him or her that you’re not trying to trick anyone or working with an agenda. Another more subtle way is to be playing small games with some of the possibilities the Internet has to offer. If you’re ever using a web cam, try being inventive and play games with different features or using gestures instead of just having a plain conversation and smiling. Send e-mails with clues leading to a cool fact or information about you and so on. These games imply that you’re not a freak only using the Internet as a replacement for his real dating life.

State Your True Experience

State how much experience you have using online dating, even if you’ve just started. You’re not going to scare anyone away by doing so. A lot of people try to match the experience or opinion about Internet and Dating that this new guy or girl has, and this is wrong. If you’re used to and have enjoyed online dating for years and think it is the best way to meet people ever, say it! If you’re chatting to a newbie that is a bit ashamed of himself/herself and think that meeting people on internet is kind of bad, don’t seek his/her approval by modifying your perspective or lie about your experience to fit him or her. Being very honest about your true experience with online dating, and even telling stories about your weirdest and best encounters will make you look more genuine and reliable, helping greatly the progression toward a possible real life meeting.

Have you ever faced a situation when two men or women got in fight for a potential mate? Of course, when dealing with girlfriend/boyfriend and official relationships such as marriage, the rules are quite clear and known to everyone. However, when still being in the free and unpredictable dating world, pretty much anything can happen until the time two people really commit officially and become a couple. Even if you’re the most peaceful, honest and friendly person with a sense of justice, sometimes the context makes conflict and competition inevitable. Here’s how to go by it so everything plays in your favor and so that you will never have to be involved or worried by such fights again.

Do not fall in the approval-seeking game

Isn’t it weird that some women will fight to death over a guy that isn’t really nice or doesn’t even care, while there are dozens of quality men only in the very same venue wishing to be with them and that are capable of fulfilling their desires? Basically, the ideal ingredients for such a fight would be a guy kissing two girls and both of them being approval seekers. They will want to win the guy over just because they will be ashamed if the other female, that could even be her friend, wins the guy over her in front of everybody. That would result in one of the girls losing approval, which can’t be handled by her if she has poor self-esteem and constantly needs a boost from others. A lot of the times that has happened, the girl that “won”, or rather the girl that didn’t abandon the stupid approval-seeking battle, would get tired and detach from the targeted man in no time. It is perfectly explainable: the girl would not be able to appreciate the man’s qualities because what she really was after was the approval from the world surrounding her. She needed proof that she was more beautiful than X to sleep well at night. Don’t fall in that category please. Same goes for men. Don’t expect much to go in your favor relationship-wise if all you wish for is to brag about your dating achievements to the boys in the dressing room.

Do not get attached to a specific outcome or a specific person

The best way to win the competition, is to actually be totally over it. Meaning, you will need to keep in mind at all times that quality men and women are everywhere, and that you have what it takes to have one of them in your life. If you’re interested in someone, just do your own thing, at your own pace. You shouldn’t feel the need to go for the steal in a bar or club simply because your targeted man or woman is getting flirted around all night. If you are really sincere and speak out your interest in getting yourself to know him or her the next day when he/she’s less “occupied”, he or she will be very grateful and you will stand out from the pack. Don’t push your fellow girls and boys around to get to the target, just wait for your time and get a real meeting with your crush during the day for example. Your inner “beast” might want to immediately go for it and eat all other candidates alive, but be patient. Remember that in the case that your crush falls for one of his/her groupies at the bar, it means he or she probably isn’t really worth it anyway. Always be willing to move on and get the person you really deserve by your side.

Focus on the real reasons and motivations for meeting someone instead of competing.

When trying to find a relationship or meeting new people, there seems to be common advice we get all the time from the people around us. We all get told to go to bars because that’s where attractive singles all hang out. “Get out!” might be the first advice you get from your friend when you confess about your lack of success with men or women, only to find yourself days later hanging out in a nightclub where you feel uncomfortable and out of place, having interactions leading to nonsense and no real relationships or friendships.

Some people make a great deal of contacts and quality relations from nightclubs, but believing that going out more and more will simply unblock your dating life is wrong. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you! Friends might force you to take that path only because that’s the only why they found in getting their own dating life together in the past.

However, there are other ways that don’t involve the “classic” dating scene such as nightclubs, internet dating and friends matching you with their own personal picks. In fact, not going and thinking about dating like everyone else will make things EASIER for you. Going against the “horde” is how the true dating masters do it. Some dating coaches even avoid nightclubs because they can pull off such great results during their regular day ALONE.

Why do nightclubs and the internet feel so difficult to get real results with, besides having a good time that is? Competition and more importantly distractions, are more present in nightclubs and internet message boxes. People are difficult to get a hold of as everything moves so fast. While yes your friends might force you to compete in these environments, realize you don’t necessarily have to do it to be highly successful at dating. You will probably have a blast going out often and drinking, but realistically, thinking it will fix your dating life is misleading yourself.

What is needed to be done is to be more social and more intelligent with the places you hang out in. Every place where you place your feet during the day can be considered as a potential meeting location. Modify where you hang out during the day to meet the kind of people you want to meet. Put judgement aside and talk to strangers if you see some that you’re interested in.

The strength in making your own way through the dating world resides in not needing “excuses” such as alcohol, music, dancing and the internet shield to talk and meet people.

Most of the blocks and obstacles we encounter in our dating life and relationships are related to our past experiences. Nothing is simpler than sex and love, but when our mind, fears and past get in the way, those two can get extremely complex. Fears, insecurities and emotions aren’t things you can put aside for the rest of your life. If you do, they will come up at the worst possible time, probably in the most important relationship, where you want to spend your entire life with that person and put everything on the table. You must understand their roots to deal with them. If you’re asking yourself “Why am I always getting upset about this, scaring my man or woman away?” dig in your past a bit to better understand what’s driving your behaviours.

Don’t be afraid of making simple links to the past

Just making the decision of getting over a certain past event or situation doesn’t mean that you will necessarily never be affected by it again. Your body reacts and avoids painful situations and your mind rationalizes it. Some of the most profound sources for understanding our present behaviours are our childhood and teenage years. The problem is that most people don’t want to look there, at all cost. Nobody seems to want to admit that they’re still affected by something that happened during their childhood or when they were a teenager. Why? The reason is that, as humans, we like to be in total and absolute control of ourselves and our lives. It is quite a shocker for any one of us to realize that we’ve had a behavior for years and years that dictated our entire life, resulting from a single childhood experience. It is a big shocker, but it is also the greatest treasure you can find in order to move forward.

Associate feelings with experiences you’ve already had

Starting on this journey in your past to find out what’s affecting you today may seem like an enormous maze at first, but there are proper techniques to it, and they don’t necessarily require a therapist assisting you. It all comes down to being honest with yourself. First, identify the feeling you’re experiencing when you encounter the situation you have the most trouble with when dealing with men or women. For example, you might experience fear when there’s a necessity to commit to something. Once you know it is indeed the feeling of fear and experience it in your body, try to find an experience in your childhood or when you were a teenager when you experienced fear, more specifically, the oldest ones (they are the purest and deepest experiences) and those that have the most to do with commitment. Realize that your current fear of commitment with men or women might be driven by something that happened with your dad or mother, who are the earliest and most marking male and female figures of your life. Did you feel fear in deceiving your mother or father over a specific event? If you feel like there are associations to be made, make them, accept them, work on them and you will gradually control elements of your character and remove obstacles in your dating preventing you from finding, and more specifically, STAYING with the mate of your dreams.

 Do you feel like you’re stuck in a vicious circle where everything turns out to be the same in your dating life? Do you find yourself thinking that you are inappropriate for this or that everything is bringing you down? You are not alone, and there are new ways you can think to change your dating life around. It is all about expanding your mind and exploring new roads to success. Here is the ideal mindset broken down into two great tips you should never forget when things don’t go your way in your dating life. 

Start doing permanent self-improvement

It is surely efficient to step your game up when things aren’t going well, but think about what it would be like if you tried improving yourself even during good periods. You might find the tough times to be demanding for your mind and body, but if you took the permanent self-improvement road, it could reduce stress and bring you more fulfillment every day, even if you got turned down a few times this week, so no more bad streaks. A few concrete ways to start doing permanent self-improvement are physical training, seminars, self-improvement DVDs and books, and also finding mentors and icons to be inspired by.

Change what’s around you

It also might not be entirely your fault if your dating life isn’t meeting your expectations. Well, deep down it is entirely your fault, but what is meant here is that you might need to change your environment, social circle, job, etc. There are certainly places, people and situations that are more convenient for successful dating. It all comes down to whether you’re ready to make some changes and if they meet your other life goals in general.

Consider moving to a new city where your type of women or men will be more easily found. Nobody is locking you up in your own town. Don’t find yourself struggling with the girls or guys in your area if they just aren’t what you’re looking for. Open up your mind.

Are your friends people that will really support you in evolving and becoming a better person, or every time you find yourself having success they seem to put you down and not be genuinely happy for you? Also, some people don’t like change altogether, good or bad, so if you want to change and evolve every day, find people that will allow you do so. You can also try to modify your schedule so you do see these motivating people more often than the others.

Every guy who seeks dating advice seems to have “that one special girl.”  That one girl who he really wants to date right now.  That one girl who seems so sweet and just right for him. 

That one girl that he hasn’t even dated yet.

If you’ve got one of those girls, dating advice isn’t going to help you.  Well, it won’t help you get that girl.  Why?  You’re already doing everything wrong.  You’re letting one woman who you hardly know become a larger-than-life figure in your mind.

I have a friend who asks me for dating advice, and it seems like he’s always got a new girl he’s interested in – and every time he’s interested in them, they become such sweet, caring girls.  Are they all sweet, caring, and just right for him?  Of course not!  But his constant pining for them convinces himself that they’re different women than they actually are.

When he’s no longer under his own spell, he sees that maybe they weren’t such great girls in the first place.

If you’ve got that one girl and it’s brought your love life to a standstill, it’s time to get over her.

You Won’t Get Her

“What?  What kind of dating advice is this?  Why can’t you be optimistic and tell me how to get this girl to go out with me?  Tell me it’s possible.”

Listen, I’m all for optimism and going for girls who you think are out of your league.  But you have to find the reality in between the two attitudes of total pessimism and total optimism.  Total pessimism says that you can’t get this girl, or any other girl for that matter.  Total optimism says you will get this girl and you’ll live happily ever after.

The reality is simple and in between those two extremes:  you’re probably not going to get this girl, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a great girl.

Why won’t you get her?  Because no woman likes being put on a pedestal, unless she’s out to manipulate you into her personal relationship slave.  They want a man who is in control of his live, and by default, that means he’s in control of his love life.  Does a guy with options pine over individual girls and wonder how he’s going to convince them to go out with him?  No!  He’s far too busy having a life. 

If you want to get this girl, you have to cultivate the same attitude. And “Hey!  This dating advice sucks; I want you to tell me exactly how to ask her out, what words to use!” is not the right attitude.

Where to Go From Here

Reading the advice above, you’re probably having one of two reactions.  Either you’re fed up with dating advice that talks about your attitude rather than the actual lines to say, or you’ve accepted what I’ve said and you’re ready to go from here.

If you’re still with me, that’s a good sign.

So where to go from here?  First, cut off all contact with the girl “of your dreams.”  Especially if you’ve been sending her e-mail after e-mail, trying to goad her into sending a response.  Cutting off contact suggests that you’ve found something better to do with your time – and you have.

Next, go out.  Indulge in a social hobby.  Take an improvisation or public speaking class.  Go speed dating.  Do anything that gets you out of the house and talking to other people.

After you’ve built up a little confidence, start finding new women to ask out.  When you do meet a girl that you’re interested in taking out, you might take a look back at “that one girl” and see her in a completely different light.  She might not seem so great anymore.  You’re seeing her without your self-induced spell that made her appear like such a princess to begin with.

Looking back on it, you’ll wonder how on earth you ever fell so hard in the first place.  And you’ll be ready to date someone else.  If you still want “that one girl,” it will take more than one dating article to help you!

Rejection.  That word is enough to scare off many a would-be suitor to any beautiful woman, shunning them before they even have a chance to approach a girl and find out if they could have been a match.  Too many men let the thought of rejection run their life, when they should really be concerned about how to take the right action and approach a woman they’re attracted to even if they believe they might fail.

Well, it’s time to dispell the myths of rejection and turn you into a social man again.  Here are five reasons rejection can actually be healthy for you.

1.  Humility.  Everybody gets rejected.  You only have to do a YouTube search for the show “Digits” to see an attractive, tall Italian model get rejected by more than one woman.  Many men will simply avoid approaching a girl because it might do damage to their over-inflated ego, which tells them they’re big players that can have any woman they want.  A rejection shows you that you can’t have any woman you want, and that’s a good thing, because it will keep you grounded and humble, if you can cut through your own self-perceptions.

2.  Building confidence.  Once you get rejected bad enough, you might say to yourself “Okay, that was bad, but if that’s as bad as it gets, I think I can handle this whole rejection thing.”  Guess what that builds?  You guessed it: confidence.  But there’s something more:  when you approach a woman because you know it’s the thing you want to do, even though it’s tough, helps you realize that you’re willing to confront your fears, which builds your self-esteem even more.

3.  Dispelling the myth.  As mentioned above, once you face rejection head-on, you’ll realize that it’s not that big of a deal, kind of like riding a roller coaster for the first time.  It might even inspire you to keep approaching new women!

4.  Learning experiences.  When you go to bed the night after a rejection, you might notice that something pops into your head, a sudden epiphany like “Oh!  She must have had a boyfriend!  That’s who that guy was,” or “Maybe if I didn’t say that one thing, she might have been into me.”  That’s called learning, and it will help you approach better the next time.

5.  Decreasing your outcome dependence.  If you get rejected bad enough, eventually you might think “Well, if that’s as bad as it will get, I guess I don’t care too much about the outcome!”  You feel looser and more relaxed as a side-effect of being indifferent to the outcome of any given interaction with a woman, which helps your confidence improve.

When the winter season hits, many people stop going out and start ordering in – and this means that you’ll probably find yourself in someone’s house or apartment before the weather starts to warm up again.  If you’ve always been the awkward type, not the kind of person who’s spotted mingling with strangers or acquaintances, then this article is the one for you: here are some sure-fire tips to help you mingle at your next party.

-Say yes to the invite!  Of course, you can’t get to the party if you say no to the invitation or come up with some sort of excuse for not attending.  If you’ve ever seen the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey, you’ll want to embrace this sort of lifestyle.  You don’t have to say yes to every single thing that comes your way, but if you find yourself already shopping for excuses once you receive an invitation to a party, decide that it’s time to exit your comfort zone and say “Yes!”

-Start jabbering as soon as you enter the party.  This is key.  You absolutely need to start the night running, similar to the way you’d want to start a pool party just by jumping in the pool.  It doesn’t matter if you say the wrong things, forget someone’s name, or generally make a fool of yourself – just establish yourself as the kind of person who’s ready to mingle.  Even if all you can muster is a quick “How you doin’?” to the first person you see, then that’s fine.  Just get talking, and eventually you’ll build up enough social momentum to feel like you know everyone there.

-Become interested in other peoples’ lives.  Now, this one comes with a caveat: you don’t want to bore someone to death and make them feel like they’re at a job interview when they’re ready to mingle.  But be willing to ask people about their lives, what they do, or give genuine compliments based on what you notice about them.  Make sure that you genuinely ask what you want to ask:  if someone says that they travel a lot, ask them how they manage to do it!

Following these three steps alone is enough to ramp up your social life, so make sure you stick to them fairly rigidly.  You don’t want to be that guy in the corner, awkwardly holding his drink as everyone else seems to know each other and have a good time.  Become that guy everyone wants to know and you’ll do just fine.

Aren’t women supposed to like shy guys? Aren’t they supposed to value the fact that they listen more than they speak because after all, silence is golden isn‘t it? Yes, generally speaking, shyness is a quality that many women find endearing and attractive in a guy who they date, and some women even relish the challenge of bringing Mr Shy out of his shell. Conversely however, it is shyness that gets in the way of a relationship getting off the ground because it often masks a person’s true personality and makes them nervous and uncomfortable particularly around those of the opposite sex.

Dating can be a real ordeal for bashful guys, particularly where first dates are concerned. Shyness is often at its worst when dealing with the unknown but on the bright side, most men do find that it does subside considerably with familiarity. So try the tips here to help you ride out this initial rocky road and make sure your date sees the best of you.

Dress to impress

If you like what you see in the mirror it will automatically give you a massive boost in your confidence and dispel some of your shyness. As they say, if you look the part and feel the part, you are a whole lot likelier to act the part so really make an effort here.

Honesty goes a long way

One of the major problems with timidity is that it can often be mistaken by women for indifference. The worst thing you want to do on a first date is give the impression that you’re not interested and that you have nothing whatsoever to say to her. Often, just letting your date know that you are shy can be a brilliant way of breaking the ice and of allowing her to understand you a bit better. Most men go to great lengths to hide their shyness so this is a really difficult thing to do, but it takes guts and women will respect you for it.

Choose your date partner wisely

For most shy guys, blind dating is not the best idea. Instead try to date someone you know; a work colleague, a friend of a friend, an old classmate. The more common ground you share with a woman, the more at-ease you are likely to be during the date and the more certain you can be that the girl is not intimidating.

Think about the location

Making sure your date takes place somewhere that you feel comfortable is very helpful. Great date locations include theatres, parks or zoos, art galleries and places where you can engage in an active task such as bowling or mini-golf. Best avoided are stuffy restaurants, pubs and clubs. Basically, the more interesting your location, the less you will have to talk to fill in the empty gaps. More importantly, suggesting a location shows a woman that you are capable of taking the initiative; definitely a highly rated trait.

Keep it short

Setting your meeting within a limited space of time can be helpful as it is easy for you to get away if the situation gets difficult. Meeting for lunch or coffee is a good plan and, if the date is successful, you can always make the second meeting longer.

Never forget that dating is an art and the more you practice it, the more confident you will become. It is not about faking it or pretending to be someone you are not. To be shy is to be human as long as you don’t let it take over and detract from who you are. So get over it, get out there and get dating.

Are you divorced or widowed or just otherwise newly single? Would you like to meet your soul mate but are just too terrified of taking the plunge back into the World of dating? Well, you will probably be surprised to learn that you are not alone: every year, millions of people start dating again after a long time of being out of the game for whatever reason. As with anything, preparation is the key to success and here we outline five crucial steps to take to ensure you have a pleasant introduction back into modern dating.

1. Lose the baggage

There is very little point in dating if you are still hung up over your previous relationship. Before you can move on with your life, you have to come to terms and deal with what has gone on previously otherwise you risk bringing negativity into any new relationships that you may form.

2. Feel good about yourself

Self esteem often takes a battering following a break-up of a previous relationship or the loss of a partner and most people emerge out of the other end not feeling too great about themselves. Low self esteem usually comes hand in hand with reduced confidence and this in turn affects how you interact with and how you are perceived by others. Heal yourself emotionally by renewing your friend circle, setting yourself new challenges and trying different things.

3. Prime yourself physically

Looking your best when setting out to meet someone new is important because it will boost your self confidence. That doesn’t mean looking like a supermodel, but if you need to lose a pound or two to make you feel more comfortable in your clothes, then so be it; the effort will be worth it in all walks of your life, not just dating.

4. Know what your goals are

Are you dating in the hope of meeting your soul mate and entering into another long term relationship with them, or do you simply just want to meet new people and have fun? Being clear about what you ultimately hope to achieve from the whole dating experience leaves you better able to plan and structure dates to fulfil your aims.

5. Get a life

You can’t just sit at home expecting a date to just present itself to you on a plate; unless you happen to be extraordinarily lucky, it just isn’t going to happen that way. Instead make an effort to go out with friends, pursue your hobbies or even take up evening classes. Not only will this help you to relax socially and broaden your horizons but you will meet more people and increase your chances of getting a date.